November 6, 2017

Why do you get upset? Is it because of social injustices against others, unfair treatment in work situations, or do you feel you are the only one who really gets it?

That was me for years and I still struggle with that "stinkin' thinkin'". The truth is, I am not the o...

July 26, 2017

Did you ever respond to your spouse in a snappy way and realize, as the words were coming out, that you were wrong? It happens all the time to me. My wife tries to help me by offering good advice about directions or how to fix something.

My unhealthy response is to snap...

April 17, 2017

Our final installment in this Active Listening series deals with using “I” messages, and a method known as “Redirecting”.

By using “I” in your statements, you direct focus back to the problem and not to the person you are listening to. An “I-message” lets you share wi...

April 4, 2017

We’re going to switch gears a bit this week.  We’ve been focusing on how to listen effectively in the way that we, as listeners, speak.  Our techniques today deal with how and when to NOT speak!
 
Our first approach is known as the “effective pause”.  This is wher...

March 28, 2017

By now, if you’ve been keeping up with our series on Active Listening, you should be getting very good at it.  And so, you’re ready for an advanced technique called “Probing”, you listening rockstar you!  Probing is an approach using hypothetical questions to elicit mo...

March 21, 2017

This week’s approach continues to build on the “reflecting” technique, but focuses entirely on precisely what the speaker is feeling. This is referred to as “Emotional Labeling”.   Using this approach, the listener puts perceived feelings into words in an effort to hel...

March 7, 2017

This week, we’re going to tackle a particularly effective technique: giving feedback.  This is an area that we all probably think we already understand.  Well, we say, I’m great at telling my spouse what to do and how to do it to fix any situation!  Uh-huh.  That’s why...

January 5, 2017

A valuable technique to add to your "toolbox" for actively listening to your spouse, is to begin to practice "Reflecting".  This approach, instead of just repeating what the speaker is telling you, let's you recreate their messages to you in terms of emotions or feelin...

November 8, 2016

Often, when our spouse approaches us to “talk”, they really are asking us to listen.  The learned capacity for practicing “active listening” is often the key to addressing some very particular need or issue. Active listening is all about building rapport, understanding...

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